So today I have finally started a new round of devotions. Normally I write my thoughts out in a binder... thought maybe since I am a child of the technology age I would start blogging my thoughts during my devotions!
I started off how I normally do, praying and asking God to guide me to what He wants me to read and hear from Him. I found a devotional group called Proverbs 31 and began clicking around their site to see if this was the right devotion for me. Well I decided before going any further I needed to re-read the verses this devotional is named after, so I decided that was where I should start.
I opened my Bible to Proverbs 31, this is an intense chapter for any wife or mother to read. I began to think how it was ironic I was reading this after the day I had. This particular day I was feeling somewhat of a failure, I started off wanting to be this perfect little wife and mother character. My goals were to make two wonderful meals one for my family and one for another family, run lots of errands for Audrey's birthday party, grocery shop, install childproof locks, look at paints samples, do my daily exercising... and the list could go on and on. Needless to say, not all of these things received a nice and neat check-mark on my to-do list. At the end of the day I felt like I barely made one meal I was proud of let alone two... I began to obsess over my failures and how I could have made the day better, and feeling like this is always where I end up, failing my goals. Then I read Proverbs 31 and think "God, how can I ever become a "Proverbs 31" Wife and Mother? I cannot even achieve earthly goals I set for myself in menial daily tasks, let alone anything spiritual or worth value to You."
As I think this to myself, I am reminded of a quote I read in my devotional "Our spirit can be perfect through the blood of Christ, even when our flesh fails." And that is when it hits me. I hear it so loud it resounds in my ears, I am going to fail every task on my to-do list the rest of my life. I cannot do one thing perfect on my own. My flesh is failing me, my flesh will always fail me, I will always fail. And yet I feel a peace rush over me, not because I am one big giant failure, but because my spirit can be made perfect through the blood of Christ. My weight is lifted.
Today I have learned I need to start putting the effort I put into being a perfect earthly wife and mother into being a perfect spiritual wife and mother. Baking, cooking, decorating, playing hostess these are all wonderful things I enjoy... but at the end of the day they will always leave me feeling like I have failed.
Yahweh, today I set my sights upon You and Your Kingdom. Continue to humble me, break me, and scrape the inside of me out and fill it with you.
Amen
